I will not feel sorry for myself...for long

If there is one thing that I learned from the rehab "psycho" Dr it is that it is ok to take 5 minutes to feel "why me" "I can't" type of feelings. It is perfectly normal, especially in the first few months or year of being diagnosed. But to feel them for 5 minutes then focus on the more positive aspects. Believe me I know how hard it is to do that, but I know it can be done.

 For instance I was just reading a book and the main character was running & thinking of how much she enjoys running. I hated to run in PE in school because it was something I HAD to do, not something I WANTED to do. When I wasn't in PE I was a fast runner and I really enjoyed it. I use to go to the track after school & run just because I liked it. I also ran around our neighborhood some, a "cross country" kind of thing. The one day in PE that I actually ran the mile we were required to instead of walking it with my friends my teacher was so mad because he saw the potential I had if I would have just tried. When you're 13 pissing off a teacher is more fun than getting a good grade. (at least in my opinion) So now, when I am not physically capable of running I think of how much I use to enjoy it & kinda feel sad that I'm not able to anymore, but I can still swim.

I was an awesome swimmer. Again something I enjoyed when I didn't have to do it. If I was told to do something I didn't like it anymore. Which brings me back to my point. I haven't been able to go swimming since I got sick 7 years ago. We don't have a pool and none of my friends have a pool & its just too dang expensive to go to the Y but during an IVIG infusion my nurse & I were talking and I mentioned how much I missed the sun & water and she invited me to come over to her place to go swimming. I was so excited. I went over to her house the next week & swam for the first time in over 7 years! It felt so good. I was exhausted swimming just one lap but I did it! Freestyle, back stroke & breast stroke (I was never good at butterfly so didn't even try) I had my own little individual medley relay and I loved every second. So while reading about a girl who was on a run & loving it I started to feel sad that I couldn't join her, I am happy that I CAN SWIM. 1 lap, but hey its 1 more than none!

So when you feel the "why Me's" coming on be sad for 5 minutes and move on to more happy things. and as always,

Believe in the magic of life

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